two poems

alot going on... two little phhtt poems for you that i word vomited out


Too busy to check the computer,
Too busy to answer my phone
Too busy to see who’s at the door
Too busy to get stoned
I’m busy brushing my teeth
Brushing my teeth furiously To rid my mouth of the scent of you
Your voice still echoing and bouncing around my absent mind
I taste the blood from my gums and put my weapon away
Leave the cold room with too many mirrors
Showing too many reflections of me,
Every single one of them alone




I’m a certain kind of odd
The kind that doesn’t cry
I go for long drives
I’m a certain kind of crazy
Painting, drawing, writing
Angry sarcastic laughing
I’m a certain kind of insane
Too picky and too open
Too forgiving and too lost
I’m a certain kind of something
Looking for a certain kind of understanding
To let me be free to be
Wonderfully mentally gone

tight rope

On the edge of healing and disaster
I’ve been trapped once again
The poison complacency is creeping in faster
One more pill, my saving godsend
Clawing at my heels, dragging, pulling me back
Back to the hell made just for me
Calling so sweetly, that pleasing attack
Reminding me how simple, how easy it would be
To succumb and be captured again.
Hello my name is Glutton,
I stuff myself with pain
I gorge myself with heartbreak
One more serving of contempt
One more bite of filth, I can fit just one more.
And it’s late late at night again
Now it’s early early morning
Sun rises like clockwork, ticking ticking on
Reminding that now is the time to act awake
Headache tasts like coffee and sugar
Now is the time to work,
Can they sense the nothing
The empty swirling around inside
Now is the time to crawl along
Stuck in traffic, stuck in the house
Stuck in the room, Stuck in my thoughts
The sun sets like clockwork
Taking reason with him
Leaving me alone with my demons again
Walking that tightrope between
Healing and Disaster, that battle
I fight alone.

bloop

Look out, far at the line where earth and sky greet
Look up at where heave peeps through, seeking eyes meet
Look down at the mud as it sucks at your feet
Look out, my love, look out but never look in
Within lie the terrors, the horror the me
Beneath the beast, and she sees.
Eyes, eyes looking down at me
Eyes I feel, eyes I can’t see
The empty inside, the fiddlers three
No longer singing, hang in the tree
My life stands still, my brain frozen,
I once lived free, now by hell I was chosen
You demon so clever so perfect so smooth and
I fell I fall I crawl I can’t fight
Born in muck and pain and pride
Leviathan within, bursting forth, I cry
The beast taken over, please everybody hide
Away in my little corner of shadow
Your face, eyes, hands follow
Drowning I am in water so shallow
My neck, like yours, made for the gallows
And we’ll swing swing away, my love
Sail sail away to the deserter cove
Away with happiness, the peace dove
Fear raining down, electic air rising
Night and despair the hellish pair
Whisper forever. Strong in my ear
My baby, give in to the fear
O and pain much worse than living
Is knowing that you face is now
sweet memory
The day I died, you were set free

dreams from my diseased mind

Ths is why i don't like to sleep,
because my mind rebels against me and stages a tries to overthrow what little good sense i have... what very little i have.

I've decided to share this dream becaus it's the most recent that I can remember in whole

Hobey Ho

I am in Sarah's bed, where i usuall sleep, my laptop on the floor beside me with my knitting on top of it, and my copy of "The Dome" by Steven King resting by my hand. I felt a chill up my spine as my eyes burst open. Not a second too late the door burst open and I grabbed my truty book and threw it up to protect my face as I turned to face my attacker.

Blood dripping frm his mouth, he let out a moan as he swayed in the doorway. Zombie. I Jumped up on the bed and charged my rotting nemesis. Blood pounding in my ears, I shoved the bottom of the bood into his mouth and he toppled back out of the doorway. I slammed the door sht and locked the door. I jumped over the bed an ran to the windows, slamming them shut and pulling the shades down. I looked through the venetian blinds and saw a few unfrtunate, early morning joggers running from their own bloody hordes. I quickly piked up my phone to call my few close ones and made plans to meet at someone's apartment.

The apartment was actually the classroom from my Earth Science class in Highschool. We all looked at eachother in the classroom and quickly asked who's bright idea it was to meet at a highschool.

We all piled into my jeep and started heading north,away from populated areas, running over corpses and raiding small homes along the way. As i was driving I was picking at a hangnail on my thumb, kept biting at it and biting at it. Someonee in the back of the car said something and i jerked my head aroun to talk to them, unfortnately with the hangnail still between my teeth. I pulled the bit of toughene skin with me and ended up peeling a skn about a foot long off of my hand and arm. My mother then materialized in the passengers seat of the car and began to scold me for getting blood on my clothes. She then grabbed my arm and stapled the skin back onto my body, but it was lopsided.

I told her not to staple my skin back on in the future because I was sure I would do a better job (obviously) and she dematerialized.

Then a person who was both my roommate in college and my little sister said she was hungry, so so hungry and that we had nothing to eat. I told her if she turned into a zombie she would have plenty to eat (sarcastically) so se jumped out the window of the moving car.

Somewhere along this drea my car went from red ot black.

And then i woke up. yay

LIFE SUCKS

human : life sucks, and then you die
immortal : life sucks, and then you don't die
vampire : you suck, and then they die
zombie : life sucks, then you die, then you suck... brains
angels : everyone else life sucks, you chill in heaven
werewolf : life bites
nephilim : life sucks, but you kick ass
cat : life is awesome, i am god
dog : life is awesome, you are god
ant : i am ant
elise : life sucks but i love you

inspiration via sleep

hrm

woke up one morning, remotely remembering typing something into my phone before crashing and falling asleep around six in the morning, again.

here is what i found in the notes section of my phone after a little searching for what I had written in my sleep drunkeness.

and it hurts because you lied and we burned because they died and my
heart aches and my head pounds my eyes see red and
tears abound
and the tears and the wounds
oh they bleed red, the rivers from my shell
my skin and my stomach scream as
it is eaten from within
my shoulders shake and my soul breaks from walking
one thousand miles too far
I lay me down to sleep and see
behind the clouds,
the stars


interesting interesting... will see what i can shape out of this

summer

things to do this summer:

learn a second language... maybe french?
get a second job
enroll for school in the fall
try my hand at programing
do something crazy
renew passport and go to canada