3:53 am

good morning world, ive had obscene amount of coffe in the past 48 hours. soon, the majority of my finals will come to a close and I will once again, reside in the world of the semi-insane, as opposed to the bat-poop crazy world ive been living in.

YAY i finished my story, for the most part. Theres and epilogue ill work through and of course loads of editing to do before i dare show it to any publishers but hey, its all on paper... er... computer.

Special thanks to kevin for editing, please take a bow. ok now stop no need to be obnoxious

ca kaw

teehee my roommate farted in her sleep HEH

signing off

please, please just end the pain

So I am slowly spiraling into the darkness and madness known as Finals Week. The outside world is cold and dark and I bury myself into texts and papers, desperately trying to remember everything that I learned this past semester.

ugh

And to top all that fun off, I stayed up late one night to write a poem that I had been mulling over for a few days. I wanted to finally get it down on paper and take a break from studying math and biology. I worked on it for an hour or so, declared it complete and passed out.
When I awoke, I went to my laptop only to find HORROR it had died in the middle of the night. Stupidly I hadn't saved my work and the auto-save had only the first verse.
Once I'm done being depressed maybe I'll try to remember what I wrote in my sleeping stupor.

Here is what was salvaged, however.

One two three for you and I say:
Lets sit down and have a number
play
The game and see who wins
Sit down and count up all our
since
We’re all here, caught up in a
circle
The prey and pray they don’t
Circle you

signing off,
pray for me

=.= gah >_<

Car Crash on the Way Home

So yesterday was a day of firsts for me... first time in a legit accident, first time believing that jumping into traffic was safer than staying where i was, first time in a cop car, and forgetting what my name was.

Here's the story,

My friend, Peri, was kind enough to give me a lift back to my house for thanksgiving. While on the road, we got stuck in traffic. Unfortunate for me especially because nature was calling.... a lot. I had just had a water bottle and a fruit punch and had to use the little girls room something awful. We were less than a mile from getting to a place where we could pull off and I could dash to the restroom when I noticed the semi in front of us getting closer. At first I thought that Peri was just drifting forward but that thought shot out of my head as she leaned on her horn. It did no good.

The semi kept rolling backwards and smashed the front of Peri's beautiful car and shoved us into the car behind us. One hand on my seat belt, the other on the door handle I started wondering which was worse, being crushed to death in the car or jumping out into traffic that had finally picked up and being run over. Before I had to make a decision, the semi pulled out and drove away. Having been part of a hit-and-run in the past I screamed the license number to Peri who quickly copied it down on her phone.

So that left us shaken, screaming, and in the middle of a now-busy highway. Peri stepped out to see the damage but I, a coward, stayed in the vehicle. Calls were made to parents and the police and I decided that I was really, really happy that I was both alive and had not wet myself.

Deciding that the middle of the highway wasn't the safest place to be, the car behind us and Peri both drove to the shoulder where I jumped out and started walking around.

Roughly and hour later a lone police car drove up. Everything ran pretty smoothly, the gentleman from the car behind us wasn't pressing charges and his car was no worse for the wear. He was dismissed and drove off. Peri and I, however, had to stay behind and talk to the police officer for a little while, when asked my name I stumbled and muttered. I was also dancing around a bit trying to not wet myself. Eventually he got all the information he needed from us two and we went out separate ways.

After getting back on the road and finding a gas station, I used the facilities and proceeded to look for food for dinner. An adorable old woman who worked there was singing something in Spanish which made Peri and I both think of Maria from West Side Story. After buying half the store and making an idiot of myself at the cash register, we left and drove home. Other than being as jumpy as frogger, the rest of the drive went rather smoothly.

I am home now ^_^ yay

Not much going on today but here's a poem i wrote about a month ago with a link to what inspired it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_3ArZMGu88&NR=1#start=0:00;end=2:47;autoreplay=true;showoptions=false

Roses and black garment at the funeral of whatI thought was alive

The red, pungent flower staining my hands

As I pluck out its beauty, one petal at a time

You love me you love me not,

the grief and the sorrow overwhelm the passing happiness,

the happiness that I delude myself with,

the ache is beating… beating… breathing.

The ache, the torment is breathing, alive,

it’s a parasite biting

biting away at my heart and my stomach and my brain and

its children are the tears forced from my eyes

Forcings its love child, its hate child, its fear child from my eyes

Glowing down my face a sign that screams

BROKEN

Desperate not to cry,

don’t want people to see me,

because they won’t see me. I am a facade

They see the parasite, the ache, the torment

the overwhelming tide that pulls and pulls and now

it calls out

with the moon glistening on the water.

“Come, child, I’ll take you though no one else will.”

And I go to it,

Because who else will take me?

Running into the water I brace against the cold

Swimming toward the moon my heart races

The silver face on the water always just out of reach

Tired I scream and am joined by millions of screams

Raw, ravenous, raging screams against death and deception

In our desperation we cried out until out voices were nothing but wind through trees

Linking hands, filled with more than grief we turn towards shore

Stumbling, crying, broken, animals we crawl back to land

Leaving the icy water and the moon’s sweet pull behind

Beating back the waves and tide and grief

We reach the land and we fall

Asleep

In a bed of a million brittle red roses

Biting out backs, the reminder of the sorrow

The moon so close to overtake us

But now I am not alone.

I fall

Asleep

over and out

la la la

So haven't updated in a while, my sincerest apologies. SUMMER IS HERE YAY but along with summer is work work work lol. I got a cashier job for the summer and strangely I really enjoy it. Never would I have thought that I would have the patience but I surprised myself. I am continuing my writing both poetry and finishing my novel. Hopefully I'll be able to send it out this summer and get started on the publishing process. I'll keep ya'll updated on that.

I passed my first year in college woot woot . Other than that, nothimg more to report.

and i shall leave you with a poem...

Dark stars shed light on the blind Eye
cold fire watches the sarcophogi
softly, through the halls the wind sighs
"Why did you leave with out saying goodbye?"

Slowly terribly my heart starts to break
Come back, return for my soul's sake
the emptiness inside makes heaven shake
I cannot turn and from this dream wake

I need you to hear
I am no moisture in the sea
no warmth in the heat
without you, I am not me

You do not return and shuddering
I am cruelly changing
no longer sun shining
only darkness, all consuming

I am the depths that rise
to swallow and eat your eyes
all pray for my demise
I thrive on fearful cries

still wishing. however
that you return from FOREVER
my bond with the grave sever
and bring me back to the light

put a little love in it

hm, just a short poem thingy that I wrote

For You

You say you want to fall in love
I can tell you that falling hurts
Because when you hit the ground and you
Look around you’ll find…
Well, I’ll let you figure it out for yourself
You say you want to be free
Of love and life and rules
But I know you have
to be a slave to something
Or else you run around like a headless fool
You say you want to see it all
How I would love to see it too
But we’re too young, too tired, we’d fall
So instead we’ll both stay home
And play pretend a brave new world
You say you want to die, baby
That the world has nothing for you
So how about this, I’ll make you a deal
Let’s fall asleep forever
Until out old wounds heal

thanks for reading ^^

btdubbs

congrats to creeper and sexy momma on their anniversary (has nothing to do with above poem)